This is a post about why I started this blog and what the name means:
I remember one night, or better said early morning of June 25th, the craziest idea came to me out of nowhere. I was laying in bed reflecting on some events that were sad to me. I was thinking about every hardship that I’ve somehow overcome and I was feeling thankful to God that I somehow had the strength and made it through alright.
Now, during these days I wasn’t completely alright. Two months before, I had just had a miscarriage that sent me into a temporary depression. Something I hadn’t experienced so deeply since my high school days. I was going through a time of complete brokenness but somehow I was able to be strong and find joy in some of my days.
I was also thinking about my PCOS diagnosis and my past. I was remembering my childhood, the million mistakes I did as a regular excessive weekend drinker and party animal, past drama and mistakes with friendships, and mine and my husbands mistakes through some of our marriage.
I then started to reflect on the way my life has changed ever since I rekindled my relationship with God four years ago. I felt thankful for the strength he has given me and for the good things in life He has placed, such as an amazing husband.
That’s when suddenly a thought came to my mind. “I want to help people. I want to help people find strength and heal from pain.” I thought. As I wondered how I could help people, that’s when the word ‘blog’ came to my mind. I really thought it was crazy! I mean I’ve always had a secret desire to write a book that helps people someday-but even I saw it as a joke to myself. Though a blog isn’t the same, its similar in that you write about life.
The idea scared me, but it felt so right. I knew I wanted to talk about my struggles with infertility, PCOS, and health. I knew I wanted to write about the strength I’ve gotten from my faith, write about life in general, and marriage. I wanted to write about everything in order to help others.
As the days went by, the idea didn’t leave my mind. I really tried to avoid it but it kept poking at me. I knew that if I let fear take over, I would never start anything. And though this idea still scares me, I don’t want to regret something I felt I needed to do.
I started reading everything I could about blogs. I read that it is best to pick one niche, or topic. I had too many in mind-pcos, infertility, health, God, and marriage. Somehow it didn’t feel right to focus on one only. I let it go and prayed that I find the right topic.
Exactly one week later, on June 2nd, I was laying in bed reading the bible on my phone. I came across a scripture that read the word unblemished. I liked the word and knew what it meant.
I like the definition Google gives. Unblemished means “not damaged or marked in any way; perfect.” I thought this was the perfect definition of what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write in a way that helps people to become “not damaged” or “marked” by past or present events (undamaged and unmarked). And though we can’t be perfect, because only Jesus was, we can self-improve to become more like Him. A person filled with love, joy, kindness, humility, peace, patience and all the good qualities you can think of.
I also see the word unblemished=healed. That’s when I thought, we usually are in search of healing for our mind, body, and Spirit. We search for ways to have healthy thinking, we want to be physically healthy, and we want to have happier and more loving Spirits. Therefore, it’s where I got the tagline for Unblemished: healing for the mind, body, and Spirit. (update: I removed the word healing)
I knew then that I wanted my niche to be about self-improvement/personal development because then I could sometimes talk about the other niches I had in mind.
I thought it was so hypocritical to want to help others when I couldn’t even help myself during this time. The temporary depression wasn’t gone yet when I first had the idea. I had just lost my baby and had just moved to California where I started to feel I ‘lost’ more things.
I “lost” my new house, my family, my friends, my church and my career. I even lost my dog! More like my dog got lost. (I didn’t lose any of that, except our dog, but in those dark moments it’s what I felt.) I think what triggered these feelings was that I was still in mourning.
How could I help anyone or inspire anyone through writing If I wasn’t even doing well? That’s when I decided to wait until I was ready. I wasn’t going to start anything until I felt better, more positive and joyous.
Fast forward some time, I heard a sermon that helped me step out of the temporary depression I was in and decided to open this blog and overcome my fear of judgment, criticism, of opening up, and more.
My hope for this blog is to help you heal your mind, body, and Spirit through my reflections about life. I am not an expert by any means. My experiences and my positive outlook on life is all I have to give. My hope is that you use these reflections for your life as a means of self-improvement.
I don’t have any. You might wonder who am I to write about these topics. Well, I’m not a counselor or a psychologist nor anything of the sort. My only experience is being a teacher who gave advice to kids. I also served at my old church, in an “Inner Healing” class where we guided (not advised) women to heal by forgiving others, deal with depression, form a relationship with God, etc.
Even then, I wasn’t the one teaching the class. I was just helping with group discussion.
All I can really say is I’m just a girl who turned her life around a few years ago and who daily keeps learning ways to improve herself.
I’ll be honest. I have doubted opening this blog and my ability to write. I even remember the voice of a college teacher in English Writing who critiqued my writing for sounding like I didn’t know my English well.
I have also doubted my qualifications to give advice, but then I’m reminded of the people I believed to have helped through conversations. I also remembered, this blog isn’t to give advice. It’s for sharing life reflections and for you to self-help yourselves from what you read.
It’s even scary to share parts of my life on here that I haven’t opened up about before. So why am I doing this? I’m doing it because my heart is telling me to. I hear myself saying, “share your stories, share your struggle.” If my stories and tips can help others, than I’m going to do just that.
My Turning Point:
Like most of us, I had a pretty rough childhood that affected me in ways that it led me to making many bad choices in life. Just 4 years ago, I was living a life of partying and drinking to the point I didn’t remember anything.
I was a nagging wife with no self-control over my attitude. My friendships were full of drama and negativity. I was full of resentment towards people who hurt me in the past. I wasn’t financially responsible and I was undecided about my career because it seemed too stressful. Even through all this, I somehow was always optimistic, even when I had my down times. Still, something was missing.
That’s when I re-established my relationship with God. Since then, I have turned my life around to become a more responsible woman. My marriage has changed so much for the good! Many friendships that produced nothing but negativity ended.
I forgave people who I had resentment towards and established a better relationship with some of them. As a teacher, I started to enjoy it and truly love it. I cared for my students so much more deeply. It still was stressful, but it fulfilled me.
I don’t regret any of the hardships and crazy times I went through. Those experiences helped shape me and become who I am now. Some of those times were really fun, but there came a point where I decided to grow up and become responsible of my life choices. I still struggle with some issues and have a lot to learn, and so I keep educating myself.
Now, I’m here in a new city away from everyone and everything I once had (still do, but far away). I’m blessed to be able to stay home for a bit, even though I have a deep desire to have my busy life again. I’m taking this opportunity to be stress free with hopes of becoming a mother.
I look forward to discovering more about myself and about life. I look forward to deciding what way to steer my life. So far, through this blog I’ve rediscovered a passion for writing like I did when I was younger. I’ve discovered that it was much harder than I thought to stop working temporarily. I usually led a very busy life where I rarely got in touch with my emotions. So having so much time for me is new and rare. What’s so great is that blogging has kept me very busy. It takes more time than I imagined, and it works for me at this point in life.
Now, I’m just going to enjoy this new journey, discover new things, and always self improve.
I will also write in hopes that what you read will somehow help you have your own reflections on life. I hope that what you read brings healing to your mind, body, and Spirit, as well as your heart.
I understand that when our lives are busy, it’s hard to take time to read anything at all. So I thank you for taking the time to read my posts! May they help you deeply.