For about four months I found myself in a deep place in my life. I had been walking in total darkness with the desire to get out. After a miscarriage, I started to lose hope of all my desires in life. My optimism suddenly turned into pessimism.
During that time, I wanted to be alone and depressed. I wanted to cry as often as I wanted to and feel bad for myself. I wanted to go through the pain and not move on from missing my baby. I wanted to keep grieving because moving on would be like forgetting about what happened, and I didn’t want that to happen. Now that’s a lot of “I’s”. But during this time, it was all about ME and MY pain.
Fast forward a few months, I realized that I was damaging myself spiritually and physically. I realized that my relationship with God had turned into something so distant. My relationship with my husband was no longer the same. Physically, I was gaining weight and not sleeping enough. I had just moved states, so I no longer had my career as a teacher, no family or friends nearby. I was completely alone. I was feeling depressed with dreams and goals that I couldn’t pursue because I had no motivation in life. Little tasks became so difficult to do. I knew deep inside that even within my pain, I was going through something that was going to be used for the good. I knew that this pain was something I would talk about someday to help people know, that we DO come out of that dark place when we decide to transform ourselves.
So in this dark journey, I did what I knew best. I chose to seek God for help. I went to a church service where the sermon was about spiritual transformation. I knew this was what I needed. The Lord always knows what exact words we need to hear. This is what I learned about transformation:
1. Transformation comes to us when get TIRED of living our own way. In the past, I once got tired of living with an addiction to partying and alcohol. I chose to change my life by seeking spiritual healing by living a life led by God. It worked. My life improved and became much better. This time, I got tired of living in depression and tired of being negative and not having hope. I knew that transformation could occur when I no longer allowed myself to be in this place so deep. Take a look at your life. Are you tired of procrastinating? Are you tired of feeling sorry for yourself? Are you tired of feeling like a victim? Of feeling depressed? If you answered yes, then now it is time to make changes.
2. Accept the struggle. I accepted that I could no longer live that way. I accepted that I had been negative and hopeless and that I needed help. I yearned to live a happier healthier life once again. I wanted my faith to be stronger and to grow again. I searched for spiritual health for my soul. I accepted I was struggling. If you want to transform yourself into a happy positive person, than you need to accept that you are struggling. The best way to do this is by telling someone. I know it can be hard because we want to prove how strong we are. We are too proud to tell anyone that we are not okay. But it is so important to do so. These people can help us with their advice or even with a hug. You may tell your husband, your friend, a spiritual leader, or God. Tell someone and make sure this person is someone who will uplift you, not bring you down even more.
3. Transform the mind. I decided I was going to stop being negative. It wasn’t easy. Every time a negative thought came, I turned it into a positive thought. I still have to practice this more than once daily. I still have to let those negative thoughts in through one ear and push it out the other by force. I know that if I allow those thoughts to stay in my mind, I won’t be able to see the blessings I do have. That being said, we need to wake up every morning seeking to be better, renewing our spirit and transforming our mind. We can renew our mind by waking up being thankful for what we DO have rather than what we don’t. Try to be thankful for three things (or more) every morning. When we focus on this, it helps us see how blessed we are and takes away from seeing all the negatives in our lives. Yes, things will come up that will try to ruin our day. But in those moments, take a moment of peace. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself everything WILL be okay. It always is. It always will. We will always get through those struggles.
4. MUSIC. Music has helped me in so many ways. When I feel bored with life, I’ll put some upbeat music and dance to it as I clean my house. When I feel sad about a certain issue, I’ll put on some worship music. It helps me remember who is control. Music inspires our souls. Put on some happy music whether it be old school classics or worship music. Put on music that has positive lyrics. Transformation will happen in your soul as you sing along in your mind or out loud. And even better, bust some moves.
And know this: Transformation can happen slowly or it can happen fast. Go at your pace. It’s okay to take it one step at a time. We should not sit around feeling sorry for ourselves, but that we are strong enough to say enough is enough and to transform our spirits into spirits full of joy! When you have a setback, don’t give up. Start all over the next day. We are spiritual beings who are meant to keep transforming ourselves for the better. The important thing here is to keep growing and changing and to have joy everyday of our lives.